Venting...

This blog is pretty much my journal so feel free to read or not read I just want to be able to look back at what I went through the good and the bad. Even If my hubby doesn't love that I share my personal experiences on here often.

What I really want to know is what is going on with my hormones! Seriously in no way do I feel like a basket case when I'm with Robert, but when I'm alone I seem to have many more tearful moments. I try to keep it all together when I'm with him (really who wants a crazy emotional wife) but I do fail sometimes and lean on him with all my stress and frustrations. I go from feeling happy and knowing things will work out to sobbing uncontrollably at how frustrated I feel.

I've been seeing a fertility specialist for 3 or 4 months now and it has been a journey. They found a cyst on my ovary 3 months ago and put me on birth control to get rid of it. They use birth control for cysts and 80 percent of the time they go away within a month or 2 and by 3 months the majority of the time it is completely gone. Well I'm my annoying situation my cyst not only hasn't gone away after 3 months but hasn't shrunk at all. Its actually grown (just a tad) but none the less they gave us an option to do surgery to remove the cyst or ignore it and do Clomid instead, but if we ignore it and the fact that it hasn't shrunk at all there is a high risk it could grow and maybe even rupture and if we got pregnant first round on Clomid It could cause major complications during and after pregnancy. So we opted to go with surgery and that's what my doc thought would be best as well since they don't really know if the cyst is cancerous (they don't think so because of my age but there is a possibility it could be). My surgery date is on Feb 1st a week in a half away and I'm kind of nervous. I've never had surgery so that scares me, but I am very anxious to get this thing out of me and start moving on with this baby making process. I'm lucky to have my mom come out for a week to take care of us. I just wished I knew what the lord had in store for us. Weather we get pregnant in a couple months or couple years I could cope so much better being able to know when and why, but I know going through all this heartache is only going to make me a stronger person and better mother for going through it. I am so lucky to have the most beautiful daughter in the world, she has kept me together many times knowing she is in my life. I love her to pieces and hope we can give her a sibling one day. Sorry if this has bored you sometimes things need to be written down to get a grip and start fresh again.