Venting...

This blog is pretty much my journal so feel free to read or not read I just want to be able to look back at what I went through the good and the bad. Even If my hubby doesn't love that I share my personal experiences on here often.

What I really want to know is what is going on with my hormones! Seriously in no way do I feel like a basket case when I'm with Robert, but when I'm alone I seem to have many more tearful moments. I try to keep it all together when I'm with him (really who wants a crazy emotional wife) but I do fail sometimes and lean on him with all my stress and frustrations. I go from feeling happy and knowing things will work out to sobbing uncontrollably at how frustrated I feel.

I've been seeing a fertility specialist for 3 or 4 months now and it has been a journey. They found a cyst on my ovary 3 months ago and put me on birth control to get rid of it. They use birth control for cysts and 80 percent of the time they go away within a month or 2 and by 3 months the majority of the time it is completely gone. Well I'm my annoying situation my cyst not only hasn't gone away after 3 months but hasn't shrunk at all. Its actually grown (just a tad) but none the less they gave us an option to do surgery to remove the cyst or ignore it and do Clomid instead, but if we ignore it and the fact that it hasn't shrunk at all there is a high risk it could grow and maybe even rupture and if we got pregnant first round on Clomid It could cause major complications during and after pregnancy. So we opted to go with surgery and that's what my doc thought would be best as well since they don't really know if the cyst is cancerous (they don't think so because of my age but there is a possibility it could be). My surgery date is on Feb 1st a week in a half away and I'm kind of nervous. I've never had surgery so that scares me, but I am very anxious to get this thing out of me and start moving on with this baby making process. I'm lucky to have my mom come out for a week to take care of us. I just wished I knew what the lord had in store for us. Weather we get pregnant in a couple months or couple years I could cope so much better being able to know when and why, but I know going through all this heartache is only going to make me a stronger person and better mother for going through it. I am so lucky to have the most beautiful daughter in the world, she has kept me together many times knowing she is in my life. I love her to pieces and hope we can give her a sibling one day. Sorry if this has bored you sometimes things need to be written down to get a grip and start fresh again.

Beginning of a new year

I am very excited for this new year! 2011 has already brought me some wonderful moments and some tough ones. Without going into details this past week we were faced with something that has made us make a decision we were not prepared for. We are still making our decision and I am having a difficult time with it. Through out all this and the frustrations I am having I have also felt the spirit so strong and it has really opened up my eyes to see the life I have and live.

I cannot express how much love I have for my Heavenly Father and how blessed I am to be a part of the church and know that without a doubt it is true. Just this past week the Gospel has given me so much hope and trust that no matter what everything has always and will always work out if I continue to do what is right. I am so happy I have a calling where I can be with the wonderful sunbeams. This past Saturday Robert and I went on a date. Just the normal dinner and movie, nothing out of the ordinary, but for some reason I felt so much closer to him and felt so incredibly happy that he is in my life. I am such a lucky woman to have found the man of my dreams. I don't tell him enough that I am drop dead in love with him just as much as the day we got married. I mean I tell him I love him constantly but I want him to know he has made me so happy and even through the hard times and the trials we have faced it has been so comforting to know he is always on my side and I can always turn to him.

Onto other things, this cute little girl has been in such a sweet and fun phase. She is learning so many new things and we cannot get enough of her. Lets just say we are pretty much obsessed with Makayla. Thank you honey for being the man you are and for taking care of us and thank you my sweet Makayla for coming into our life.

Dinner anyone??

We got this cute little kitchen for Makayla for christmas and she loves it! All we need to get is some fake food and she is readay to start baking =)

California Adventures!

This year we had Christmas with the Sorensen family. It had been 5 years that everyone including my nephews could all be together for Christmas. It was so much fun!!! The kids all got spoiled and loved playing together. Its not often we can all be together so it was an emotional time of year and I'm so grateful for the time we could all be there.

haha Makayla likes to take pictures of herself and she says "cheese". She's a funny little girl

My mom and Makayla! My parents are OBSESSED with Makayla (as it should be =) She has always felt so comfortable with my mom and when she was younger kayla wouldn't let me rock her to sleep but somehow she would let my mom! stinker! but at least she lets me now hehe

For new years eve Robert and I went on a little date out to eat, then came home and played games with my parents and the kids. My sister came over to play for a while too before going out, and my brothers had all gone out to party's. We actually had so much fun, the kids all went to bed at around 10 and we stayed up and watched the countdown on t.v then headed to bed ourselves.

After Christmas the family went to Disneyland! Minus Rob, he had to work and one of my brothers everyone else was there and it was magical! It was super busy (I guess we went there on the busiest weeks of the year oops) but other than the crowds the kids had a blast! Makayla LOVES roller coasters, even if she gets a little scared on some she never ever cries, she just squeezes my hand a little tight but has a smile on her face and always wants to go back. I don't think she had one meltdown the whole day, she was all smiles all day long, and just for that it was worth every penny (and let me tell ya Disneyland is not cheap!) Good thing she is not to the age where we had to pay for her good thing!

Here is everyone waiting for the show before going home. It was pretty cold all day but all the fun took away from freezing.

Being there during Christmas time was so awesome! Everything was lighted up with Christmas lights and decorations. They even turned down all the lights, had sweet music and had snow come out of the sky at night.

We put Makayla on a leash since she likes to wander off and she can run super fast, and she actually liked it. I felt kind of weird at first with it, but then came to realize who cares, I'm a better parent for it I don't want to risk her getting lost! I love her too much =) plus there were actually tons of kids with leashes there so it made it better.

We FINALLY got a family picture where we are all together! Oh goodness this has been a long time coming. We haven't had a family picture where Robert, Makayla or even my second nephew were in. Its been almost 7 years!! There has been a lot of complications with my brothers ex wife so we haven't been able to get us all together until now!

I'm sad we had to leave but its also good to be home. My mom called me and said she misses all the noise as do we! Also since we've taken Makayla's binki away she has been talking so much. She would look at my dad and always say papa and run to him! That made him so happy. Also my parents have a dog named daisy and she would call out daisy's name and start clapping her hands for the dog to come to her. It was super cute. Each day she is talking more and more, its just a reminder of how fast she is growing up. Hope everyone had a great Christmas and new years! We had the time of our life!!!