Okay so since I don't have a working camera and haven't been able to catch any new moments of Makayla (which I'm totally bummed about ugh) and have been looking at my blog lately totally sad that I cant add pictures I thought well...I could always tell the world how I'm feeling in this moment so here I go...
Lately I have been feeling so sad that I'm still not pregnant. We are going on 11 months of actively "trying" although we've never used anything so thinking like that gets me ever more frustrated (sorry if tmi). Don't get me wrong I'm so grateful that I even have a baby, she is just amazing, but that's kind of what gets us even more sad because we know how much we love her and we just want to experience that with another one and have a sibling for Makayla not to mention we want 5 kids and yes you didn't ready that wrong we want 5! ha but...why in the heck does it have to take so long and be such a process? I know its not like we've been trying for years so why am I so down? There are so many women in this world that cant even have children, but then again there are so many women and young girls that get pregnant and they don't even want to be. I know whether they want to be or it just happens its all hard. 6 months or 2 years when your ready its still so hard when each month nothing happens.
I had an ultrasound done a few weeks ago and some other simple tests and everything came back normal so what the heck. There are defiantly days that are better than others and I haven't really stressed too much about it, until just recently and its not so much stress its just sadness. I feel like everyday there is another person on facebook (ha yes facebook) that is announcing they are pregnant, or women in church who are pregnant and I'm over joy'd with happiness for them, but cant help but get emotional. I have been telling myself when the time is right it will happen for so long, and that's how it was when we were trying for Makayla (it took a year to get pregnant with her) but then I wonder why cant the time be right this month? or even next? I don't know I'm just so emotional I probably shouldn't even be sharing all this. Okay I know I have to suck it up, because I know I'm not the only one in the world going through this (although it feels like it sometimes) and be grateful for my beautiful daughter and to not give up hope and move forward.
Anyways I'm going to quit writing now sometimes it feels better to write things down then hold it all in, except I don't really know if this is one of those times. =(
Thursday, August 19, 2010
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Im sorry for this trial that you are going through, life isnt always fair and it stinks :( I love ya girl and let me know if you ever need anything.
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry you're so frustrated. Hopefully it made you feel a little better getting it all out. I think it's time for you to go buy another camera though, so you can take pictures of your little lady. Hang in there!
ReplyDeleteFirst of all, props to you! 5!! You are better woman than I.
ReplyDeleteMy suggestion is to stop trying! Don't pretend you are not trying and watch your ovulation cylce. Just put it out of your head. I know so many people who have had trouble getting pregnant who finally give up and stop thinking about it, only to find out they are pregnant! No need to stress. There is a plan for each one of us. Put it in the Lord's hands :)
Oh Ashley it will happen. It's just got to be the perfect time for this little one. Heavenly Father knows exactly when your little spirit needs to be here. Try not to worry. Just enjoy your little Makayla. Before you know it, you'll have two little babies running around helping you grow! Really, I know things are just on Heavenly Fathers time. And isn't that such a comforting fact. He will give you your little baby when it's the perfect time. No worries! Just be excited for when it will happen. And do all you can to do your part!;) wink wink that should be fun! Love ya Ash!
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