Okay so since I don't have a working camera and haven't been able to catch any new moments of Makayla (which I'm totally bummed about ugh) and have been looking at my blog lately totally sad that I cant add pictures I thought well...I could always tell the world how I'm feeling in this moment so here I go...
Lately I have been feeling so sad that I'm still not pregnant. We are going on 11 months of actively "trying" although we've never used anything so thinking like that gets me ever more frustrated (sorry if tmi). Don't get me wrong I'm so grateful that I even have a baby, she is just amazing, but that's kind of what gets us even more sad because we know how much we love her and we just want to experience that with another one and have a sibling for Makayla not to mention we want 5 kids and yes you didn't ready that wrong we want 5! ha but...why in the heck does it have to take so long and be such a process? I know its not like we've been trying for years so why am I so down? There are so many women in this world that cant even have children, but then again there are so many women and young girls that get pregnant and they don't even want to be. I know whether they want to be or it just happens its all hard. 6 months or 2 years when your ready its still so hard when each month nothing happens.
I had an ultrasound done a few weeks ago and some other simple tests and everything came back normal so what the heck. There are defiantly days that are better than others and I haven't really stressed too much about it, until just recently and its not so much stress its just sadness. I feel like everyday there is another person on facebook (ha yes facebook) that is announcing they are pregnant, or women in church who are pregnant and I'm over joy'd with happiness for them, but cant help but get emotional. I have been telling myself when the time is right it will happen for so long, and that's how it was when we were trying for Makayla (it took a year to get pregnant with her) but then I wonder why cant the time be right this month? or even next? I don't know I'm just so emotional I probably shouldn't even be sharing all this. Okay I know I have to suck it up, because I know I'm not the only one in the world going through this (although it feels like it sometimes) and be grateful for my beautiful daughter and to not give up hope and move forward.
Anyways I'm going to quit writing now sometimes it feels better to write things down then hold it all in, except I don't really know if this is one of those times. =(
Thursday, August 19, 2010
Monday, August 2, 2010
Grand Canyon 2010
okay so our camera broke sometime during one of our trips and it lost all of our pictures =( so here are just a few that I got from some of my family of our Grand Canyon Trip. We have had such a great summer. We went to Jamaica, California a few times, Utah, Flagstaff, and the Grand Canyon. It has been very busy for us, but we are now home and enjoying our relaxing time.
The views were amazing, it was Roberts first time going to the Grand Canyon so it was great experiencing it again with him and Makayla. (we watched her like a hawk) it is pretty dang scary bringing kids there but we all survived!
We had the Sorensen family reunion in Flagstaff and had a great time. It was a little interesting camping in a tent with Makayla for the first time. Lets just say we probably wont be camping for quite a while, but it was still great being with family. Luckily after the Reunion my parents and brothers stayed in a cabin the rest of the time so it was pretty fun.
all in all we had a wonderful time on all our different vacations. We got to be with Robs family in Utah where Makayla got to hang out with her cousins which she loved. We all went to Lagoon and had lots of fun, and we got to visit our good friends Russ and Kristen and their little boy Baylor who we hadn't seen since before we even got pregnant with our kids so it was awesome to see them as well. It was great going to Cali for the Millers reunion and hanging out at the beach (even though it was overcast most of the time). I'm sad all our vacations are over until thanksgiving and Christmas, but I do have to say how happy we are to not be driving anymore. Makayla did not to well in the car. I hate that we live so far from all our family from both sides, but feel so lucky and blessed to have each one of them in our lives and for all their support. Thanks everyone for making our trips so memorable (even if I couldn't capture them on camera)
The views were amazing, it was Roberts first time going to the Grand Canyon so it was great experiencing it again with him and Makayla. (we watched her like a hawk) it is pretty dang scary bringing kids there but we all survived!
We had the Sorensen family reunion in Flagstaff and had a great time. It was a little interesting camping in a tent with Makayla for the first time. Lets just say we probably wont be camping for quite a while, but it was still great being with family. Luckily after the Reunion my parents and brothers stayed in a cabin the rest of the time so it was pretty fun.
all in all we had a wonderful time on all our different vacations. We got to be with Robs family in Utah where Makayla got to hang out with her cousins which she loved. We all went to Lagoon and had lots of fun, and we got to visit our good friends Russ and Kristen and their little boy Baylor who we hadn't seen since before we even got pregnant with our kids so it was awesome to see them as well. It was great going to Cali for the Millers reunion and hanging out at the beach (even though it was overcast most of the time). I'm sad all our vacations are over until thanksgiving and Christmas, but I do have to say how happy we are to not be driving anymore. Makayla did not to well in the car. I hate that we live so far from all our family from both sides, but feel so lucky and blessed to have each one of them in our lives and for all their support. Thanks everyone for making our trips so memorable (even if I couldn't capture them on camera)
Thursday, July 1, 2010
Its about time...
Makayla finally turned back into her sweet loving funny self again! From about 11 months until 15 months lets just say parenthood was super challenging. Its no surprise that she started her terrible two's right when she turned one. She has been advanced with everything so why not be early at being naughty too right? Well she defiantly was testing us to our limits. She knew what we didn't want her to do, but did it anyways with that look in her eye. I know kids will always test the limits and she definitely knew exactly what buttons to push to make mommy and daddy go over the edge. I was feeling very frustrated, sad, disappointed, stressed and just like the worst mother of the year. It was extremely hard trying to tell her "its not funny to run into the street" and "you cant jump in the pool when we aren't ready to catch you" not to mention just the simple non life threatening things like running away as fast as she could just so we wouldn't take whatever she had in her hands away and turn around with that ha ha I can get away with anything look. 
Well she has finally quit throwing her crazy tantrums 24/7. She started listening so so so much better. This past month has been very rewarding as a parent. Makayla has been so sweet and super funny. This girl can make us laugh till we're on the ground. Her listening skills have improved drastically and she is able to communicate so much better. Mommy hasn't cried to daddy at how stressed and frustrated she is. She hasn't had to tell her little girl NO as much or put her in a different room while she' s throwing a tantrum while I cried trying to get through the day. Lets just say I'm crying in a very proud couldn't be happier way now. I'm soaking in every bit of this wonderful stage Makayla is in before its back to tantrums and naughtiness. It is still so crazy to me how one tiny little person could make someone so frustrated and then one minute later feel like the happiest person alive. It really is the best thing to watch your child grow and learn more things. My baby is long gone and my little toddler is here and she is absolutely so much fun.
Thursday, June 3, 2010
Summer has begun!
Yay for summer!! So far we have had a great beginning to summer. Makayla and I have spent a lot of time in the water, from the tiny pool in our backyard, to the public pool that she LOVES, to the splash pad at the mall. Outside is where this little girl loves to be and now that it is getting extremely hot we pretty much can only go outside if there is water. 
Roberts sister Tonya came out to visit us for Memorial weekend. It took a while for Makayla to warm up to her, but once she did she had lots of fun with Tonya. Thanks so much for coming here to spend time with us we had such a great time!
my sister surprised me and came here too the same weekend Tonya came out and we all had such a good time. My sister and I took Makayla to the public pool and she got to see how much kayla loves playing in the water. My brother came over and we all had a BBQ, we went to the mall and played in the splash pad and overall just had a great time. Thanks Lacey for coming out here it was such a great surprise and one I definitely needed.
we have so much going on this summer. Makayla and I are going to Cali next week to spend some time at the beach. Also we have my family reunion in July along with Robs reunion in San Diego and we want to go visit family and friends in utah sometime so we have a great summer ahead of us. Makayla is really at such a fun age she is learning so much. She can finally really communicate with us by sign language. She knows how to say please, more, drink, eat and all done all in sign language. She has really turned into such a fun little girl. She loves to play hide and seek (I hide and she seeks) its the best when I scare her it cracks her up. She will randomly say words like please, Ayden (the kid I nanny) of course mommy and daddy. Mainly daddy all day unless she is crying for me to hold her or when she had food poisoning all I heard was mom..mommy while she was snuggling me, poor girl! and will randomly copy things we say and do. Lets just say she keeps us entertained constantly!
Roberts sister Tonya came out to visit us for Memorial weekend. It took a while for Makayla to warm up to her, but once she did she had lots of fun with Tonya. Thanks so much for coming here to spend time with us we had such a great time!
my sister surprised me and came here too the same weekend Tonya came out and we all had such a good time. My sister and I took Makayla to the public pool and she got to see how much kayla loves playing in the water. My brother came over and we all had a BBQ, we went to the mall and played in the splash pad and overall just had a great time. Thanks Lacey for coming out here it was such a great surprise and one I definitely needed.
we have so much going on this summer. Makayla and I are going to Cali next week to spend some time at the beach. Also we have my family reunion in July along with Robs reunion in San Diego and we want to go visit family and friends in utah sometime so we have a great summer ahead of us. Makayla is really at such a fun age she is learning so much. She can finally really communicate with us by sign language. She knows how to say please, more, drink, eat and all done all in sign language. She has really turned into such a fun little girl. She loves to play hide and seek (I hide and she seeks) its the best when I scare her it cracks her up. She will randomly say words like please, Ayden (the kid I nanny) of course mommy and daddy. Mainly daddy all day unless she is crying for me to hold her or when she had food poisoning all I heard was mom..mommy while she was snuggling me, poor girl! and will randomly copy things we say and do. Lets just say she keeps us entertained constantly!
Monday, May 24, 2010
unstoppable
This song unstoppable is almost like a soundtrack to my life. I made some wrong turns in life, but with the love from my heavenly father I turned it around and now have such an amazing life. 
I'm so grateful to have such a wonderful husband and daughter. My love for them and my Heavenly Father is unstoppable.
I'm so grateful to have such a wonderful husband and daughter. My love for them and my Heavenly Father is unstoppable. 
Here are some pictures of my greatest blessing in life. Makayla is growing up so fast and she is learning so much. I love her!Monday, May 17, 2010
Jamaica!
okay so get ready for a serious amount of pictures! We had such an amazing time in Jamaica! It was way too short of a trip, but we were sure happy to come home and see Makayla. 
We stayed in an all inclusive resort, so we got EVERYTHING and anything we wanted whenever we wanted it. No wallet, it was so great. We had a virgin strawberry daiquiri, pina colada, and the BEST fruit punch in the world at all times.
Here's us at the swim up bar with our awesome drinks! Life could not be better!
eating at the Italian restaurant, and the best part, no wallet no tip. All tips and taxes were included in our trip. =)
When we first arrived to the airport there were these cool guys playing Jamaican music. It really got our vacation on the roll
they upgraded our room to a beach front ocean view. It was pretty nice waking up to the crystal clear ocean
This is the view from our balcony
I actually got Robert to dance with me!
We'd race down the waterslides, but I'd always get stuck. I think I was too light for the water to pull me as fast as Robert. It was funny!
There was a minature golf course so we played a little.
We hung out on this cute bungalow watching the sunset almost every night it was perfect 
We stayed in an all inclusive resort, so we got EVERYTHING and anything we wanted whenever we wanted it. No wallet, it was so great. We had a virgin strawberry daiquiri, pina colada, and the BEST fruit punch in the world at all times.
Here's us at the swim up bar with our awesome drinks! Life could not be better!
eating at the Italian restaurant, and the best part, no wallet no tip. All tips and taxes were included in our trip. =)
When we first arrived to the airport there were these cool guys playing Jamaican music. It really got our vacation on the roll
they upgraded our room to a beach front ocean view. It was pretty nice waking up to the crystal clear ocean
This is the view from our balcony
I actually got Robert to dance with me!
We'd race down the waterslides, but I'd always get stuck. I think I was too light for the water to pull me as fast as Robert. It was funny!
There was a minature golf course so we played a little.
I could get used to this sunset everyday! I'm so sad we're not at the beach anymore
We hung out on this cute bungalow watching the sunset almost every night it was perfect
Sunday, May 9, 2010
mommy dearest....
Dearest Mom,
I am so glad that I chose you to be my mother before coming to earth. Being my mom was not an easy job especially in my teenage years and I look up to you so much for having the patience you had to raise 5 kids. Thank you for not giving up on me when all hope was lost .
You've been my rock since having Makayla. I'm so glad I have a mom to call anytime I have questions about how to soothe my cranky baby. Thank you for letting me cry to you when I was in desperate need of assurance that I was doing all I could do to be a good mom myself. I will never forget the time I was in walmart sobbing because my newborn would not sleep, eat or stop crying and you came out a few days later just because you knew I needed you here. I love you so much, words just cant express it.
I am so happy to have 2 wonderful parents who have been together for many many years. I couldn't imagine what life would be like if my parents were divorced and am so grateful to have you both stay strong through all the trials and tribulations that came throughout the years
Makayla has such an amazing grandma. She loves you so much, she has always felt so comfortable when you were holding her. I'm so excited to have you come watch her while we go on our trip so you and her can build a stronger relationship. I love you so much mom! Thank you for everything you do for me and my family. Your seriously amazing and it may sound cliche, but I really couldn't have asked for a better mom. Happy Mothers Day!!!!
I am so glad that I chose you to be my mother before coming to earth. Being my mom was not an easy job especially in my teenage years and I look up to you so much for having the patience you had to raise 5 kids. Thank you for not giving up on me when all hope was lost .
You've been my rock since having Makayla. I'm so glad I have a mom to call anytime I have questions about how to soothe my cranky baby. Thank you for letting me cry to you when I was in desperate need of assurance that I was doing all I could do to be a good mom myself. I will never forget the time I was in walmart sobbing because my newborn would not sleep, eat or stop crying and you came out a few days later just because you knew I needed you here. I love you so much, words just cant express it.
I am so happy to have 2 wonderful parents who have been together for many many years. I couldn't imagine what life would be like if my parents were divorced and am so grateful to have you both stay strong through all the trials and tribulations that came throughout the years
Makayla has such an amazing grandma. She loves you so much, she has always felt so comfortable when you were holding her. I'm so excited to have you come watch her while we go on our trip so you and her can build a stronger relationship. I love you so much mom! Thank you for everything you do for me and my family. Your seriously amazing and it may sound cliche, but I really couldn't have asked for a better mom. Happy Mothers Day!!!!
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